Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?
"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling...I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever. I can't just sit back and watch from a distance anymore. From here on in, everything I'll tell you is colored by the subjective experience of being part of events. Here's where my story splits, divides, undergoes meiosis. Already the world feels heavier, now I'm a part of it...Biology gives you a Brain, Life turns it into a mind"
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Do you ever look through old pictures of yourself and wish you could go back to the time it was taken. I'm sure most everyone has done that. Maybe it's a vacation that made up ten of the most amazing days of your life. Or maybe it's an entire summer. Maybe it's pictures of you with a group of people who you were great friends with at that time, but you're not nearly as close to them now a days. Maybe you don't even talk to them anymore. Maybe it was just a time in your life when you were younger and you had nothing to worry about. I know that being reminded of a time when you were really happy is usually a positive feeling for most people, but for me it's just said. Specifically, I was just looking through pictures on my Facebook, and I was sad thinking about how great those times were and how I'll never experience anything like it again. Specifically I am talking about the summers I spent at Camp Rotary in Boxford, Massachusetts. I guess even more specifically I am thinking about the one summer I was a CIT. That summer I spent a month with some of the most amazing people. I had a group of friends that cared about one another. I had a family at camp. The fact that I was unable to return because of a school trip I had to take the next summer breaks my heart. I wish so badly that i stayed in touch with so many of those people. If I had accepted to offer to return to camp after my year as a CIT things would be so much different. I would probably still be friends with so many of those people and I would probably be headed back to Rotary again still this year. It's just sad knowing that I'll never be able to go back.
Monday, November 5, 2012
In the beginning Love satisfies us,
When Love first spoke to me of love,
How I laughed at her in return!
But then she made me like the hazel trees,
Which blossom early in the season of darkness,
And bear fruit slowly.
If the doctor tells him what he thinks the trouble may be, he follows the doctors suggestions and does not experience himself.
My Dragon always did love to go on walks
Life sounds so terminal, doesn't it?
I plan on glaring at the face of love and thoroughly denying its entrance
Speak it again, and, even with the word, This hand, which for thy love did kill thy love, shall for thy love, kill a far truer love. -Shakespeare, Richard III
I don't understand how everything was so perfect for so long and then things just changed. I can't even blame the change on anyone else. I have no reason to "not understand." I have no reason to complain. The problem is me. It's just me. I can't help it. I wish I was't thinking like this, but the more I think about it, the worse it gets.
This summer, I joined the population of teenagers who chose to take "hip" pictures with a disposable camera rather than the $200 digital one our parents bought for us two christmases ago. I will admit that I am one of the people who think they just look cooler. I was looking through my collection from this summer and I realized that I want to start doing it again. A couple people here do it and I want to join that band wagon. I also missed the summer. I can't wait to see everyone in Reading in a few weeks over Thanksgiving break. I miss dem.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
I miss my attic bedroom. I miss those crazy walls. I wish I had pictures of that. It's truly a shame that its all gone now. Maybe that's part of the magic though. Just a memory.
I did pretty much write about my bedroom walls for my college application essay. I would like to read that now, but it's saved only on my brothers computer. I'll find it soon.
It was kind of my yellow wallpaper.